UN-Boredomsite/New Look

Episode 1

Dear Diary-

Just to let you people know this thing is a notebook ok i just have a fetish for the Dear Diary Jazz,so anyway thanks to my mom for saying i need to do something constructive i have to right in this NOTEBOOK not a diary.So anyway i 'll tell you about me -mono em mono- you stupid NOTEBOOK and let me explain you better see this as a NOTEBOOK if someone catches me with a book labeled Diary i'll get my Butt kicked well the parts that i did'nt get kicked from Lee Grant. So listen Lee Grant is a giant jugganaut he always picks on innocent kids like me the daily wedgies purple nurples ya know it ,anyway this whole thing started when i first got to the 6th grade i thought his name was Pee Grant and i shouted it to him while being assigned seats for the class we where in, i said "Sup PEEEEE Grant", now basically its not my fault for exagerrating the Pee part the teacher should've said his name louder so i could've fully understood it.Then after i said that he beams me at recess with a friggin football I'M STILL RECOVERING FROM THAT AND IM IN HIGHSCHOOL NOW. Stil you gotta admire him for leaving a giant welp on the back of my head for over 5 months and thanks to him i sleep on my face just so the back of my head won't start burning again.Now lemme ask you this why am i talking to you anyway its not like anyones gonna read this. Diary's err i mean MOTEBOOKS like these are soooo useless i'm gonna get super grade A revenge on my mom for this.

April,16,08-

Ok guess what my mom just said every week i have to right in this thing 3 or 4 times just so she knows im doing a activity OH MY GAWD I MEAN PRACTICALLY SHES ASKING ME TO JUST WRITE BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH 100 TIMES CAUSE I HATE EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS GEESH and mom when you read this let me tell you CURSE YOU. Now let me also say im only writing in this thing because of my bro i hate him as much as i hate Lee Grant, heres the story im on the computer on this website called Veoh.com or some crap like that and my brother had been on the computer going on google searching under images and typing stuff in like "Hot Chicks" "Naked Babes" and "Tight Wet Butts" i did'nt care but then he had subsribed to this new feature known as google instant pic service and every now and then pictures he ordered would appear in my mom's email luckily hes smart enough to avoid her from checking her emails until he downloads the picture and deletes it of mom's emails, but ask me why this happens TONS OF POP-UPS blast out on the monitor with naked bikini babes on them i was getting soooooo freaked out cause i heard my mom coming upstairs but before i could shut the dumb computer off the computer said windows not responding and when she came in it was all over for me. I tried to tell her it was my bro but she grounds you and does'nt ask questions later and she gave me this NOTEBOOK so i could do something constructive instead of looking at vulgore stuff on the internet she says.

April,19,08-

Ok i'm in a good mood so i kinda want to share this. Today was PERFECT, today at school we were having a anouncement in the auditorium about teacher respect week or some crap i was'nt really listening do to the fact i had snuck a DS in my jacket i was wearing so i put it on mute and the only thing that had my mind was "Mario Party DS". Now this is were the excitement happens some kid yelled out "CONDOM" "CONDOM" and we all thought he was playing so a majority of us laughed except for those snooty uptight straight A students so anyway the teachers told us to be quiet and they took the kid to the office but believe it or not the principle had saw it and he fainted off the stadium where he was giving his announcement on to the ground. Everyone started laughing then everyone started screaming because there was a actual condom on the ground and everyone was running around yelling and trying to get out the auditorium and to be honest they actually pushed the teachers out the way and ran straight out the auditorium and next thing i know the auditorium is quarantined just because of a condom. So we still had school but we did'nt have the stupid Teacher Respect announcement anymore and i was kinda mad about that because that announcement was supposed to take up 4 hours of our 7 hour day of school so i was kinda peeved. At lunch everyone was talking about the condom but to me i was just eating this crappy sub sandwich the lunch ladies make for us, BUT this is what made the day PERFECT Billy Walters (the kid who makes up the latest gossip trends) had spread the rumor it was Lee's condom in about 47 minutes half of the school knew and unfortunately for Lee that half was also Princible.Douglas Buttshimer and as you know or should thats not his real last name i just hate him to the point where i'll insult him like that. Anyway Lee had a history of lying so when he said it wasn't his to the staff officials and the princible no one believed him so he got suspened plus i saw his mom pick him up from school and slap him acrosss the face HAHAHAHAH.

April,25,08

JUST TO START THIS OFF I HATE LIFE AND SCHOOL heres the reason when the people searched the condom they found out it belonged to my bro he was dumb enough to sign his name on it and he put if lost return it to Drew Pastley my phone # is 333-0675-5897 and i live on 1357BillLugton,Rd. When they found that out it was over from the start they called my house and spoke to my mom and told her about it now lemme tell you my school has 7th graders all the way to 10th graders my bros in 10th so you probally think he would be smart enough not to put his name on a condom well WRONG the only reason hes even in 10th grade is because the board of education manager is my Gramps so he can just raise my bros Academic level. Now heres why i'm mad they un-suspended Lee and suspended Drew so that means Lee whats REVENGE and by god did he get it. During recess we played football i watched my back every 10 seconds cause Lee was Quarter Back so i knew he was gonna kill me unfortunatley i lasted the whole recess until we lined up. while i was walking in line Lee picked me up and Body Slammed me on the asphalt i was taken to the emrgency room i just got out of my comma today and this all happened on the 20th and its the 25th i missed like 278minutes of my favorite show and 4 days of flirting with 16 year old neighborhood girls and im 13 by the way. So for now my head is killing me so i'm gonna rest but whenever i go through a interesting turn of events i'll jot it in this NOTEBOOK NOT A DIARY so cya.

Episode 2

Dear Diary-

April,26,08

Ok as we last left off i had got my head smashed by Lee Grant yeah i still remember considering my head still hurts. So i went to school this mornig scared as heck because i thought i was gonna bump into Lee but to my suprise he was'nt at school, in fact he wasn't even in the tri-state area. I had just been informed by my friend Rodney that after Lee smashed me he had been shipped of to some Detention Center known as St.Gerdon Hall its supposed to be the most horrible juvenile detention center EVER. I heard it turned Steve Carrol (a former bully) into a straight A student aka a nerd. Steve was sent there last year i was still in elementary school so you could say i only heard rumors of the guy but anyway everyone said he slapped the teacher for giving him a summer school aplication that he had to sign up for by force because Steve was failing 10th grade. So after that Steve was sent to St.Gerdon Hall and he came back 4 months later being as good and kind as those stupid calculater nerds. Well anyway since Lee has'nt been to school life has been great well at school anyway i could do whatever i wanted without wetting my pets every few minutes watching out for Lee, but now i no longer have to worry about that. Now i started hanging out with my friend Rodney Stones we met in kindergarden and ever since i just felt the need to choke the life out of him he's SUPER annoying. He always follows me even when im in the bathroom at school he'll wait outside my stall staring at the floor until i finish but when ever Lee came around me that sissy Rodney was no where to be found thats why i hate him hes annoying and spineless, but i guess i'll forgive him since Lee is gonna be transformed into a calculater nerd like Steve was, in 3 to 4 months.

April,27,08

Ok today at school was very exciting reason is because me and Rodney snuck on these innapropriate websites during library time. You see we were supposed to be going on google trying to find out who made this thing called the "Emancipation Proclamation". Now lemme tell you we did try to find out but we got tired of looking after we did the 2nd search on the internet for it. so we gave up and went on addictinggames.com and put the pc on mute so we could play without getting caught and every time the teacher came to check our work we would shrink the site and pull up our other window with web searches of the stupid emancipation proclamation or something. so anyway we played over 37 adventure games on addicting games and we had 1 hour to do our assignment unfortunately we were the only ones who did'nt have the assignment done and we were flippin out cause we where getting graded up front and our teacher was calling us up by alphabetical order starting with F since there was no kids with A,B,C,D,E starting in there name in our class and there was only 2 students with the beginning of F in there name and my first letter is G which was next and im the only G named person in my class so i was gonna fail first Rodney still had some time to write. So thinking quickly i went on wikipedia.com and found the first thing that said 'Emancipation Proclamation" and copy and pasted it on a text paper and printed it. My name was then called and i was soooooo totally relieved as for Rodney he had better think fast so anyway im going up to my teacher and gave her the paper and guess what i got a F- for copy and pasting, i was like how the heck did she know, so i just said i did'nt copy and paste and she told me to read my paper to her now i was confused because the stuff i copied made NO sense it said "The Emancipation Crapamation was made by Super marion in ur ANUS and he banged Donkey Kong till stars crashed down to earth creating world war 10,000". Then after i made a fool of myself my teacher said people can edit stuff on Wikipedia and so i had to stay in for recess and write why copying stuff is not good, as for Rodney he was smart enough to copy and paste from a site that had exact information which got him a A+ whch made me hate him more for no reason.

April,28,08

Life has been super cool ever since i found out how to edit wikipedia i made up so many lies like how "OJ simpson freed the slaves" and how Abraham lincoln got a STD from Opera". Luckily i was smart enough to only do this at school cause my mom would kill me if she found out i did this stuff but i dont' care its soooooooo funny. Today at school was amazing some how Rodney found out i edited stuff on Wikipedia and showed the stuff i edited at school i became sooooooo popular and i loved it girls were blowng me kisses and guys were giving me high fives and pats on the backs. i loved it unfortuntely i hade edited some stuff of our Gym coach Mr.Snypes and Rodney had my Wikipedia antics published in the comedy section of the school news and Mr.Snypes found out and he has been killing me about it. Today at gym he made me bench press 500 mutha truckin pounds i was sent to the nurse trying to do that and he had the nerve to lie and said i was doing inappropriate jumping jacks. To tell you the truth if Mr.snypes just keeps secretly torchering me without telling the princible im fine with it cause that means my mom will never find out and i'll still be in the clear. Life at home has been real sucky lately i'll add ever since Drew got suspeneded hes been torchering me he prank calls my phone and says let your refrigerator out and catch it and you and i should know that was the wrong punchline. Plus he keeps saying i watch cartoon porn and for one its not porn it just has seens of naked cartoon chicks and 2 its called "Anime", so thats really been ticking me off also. Now Rodney hooked me up with this thing called photoshop right and you can edit pictures so since Drew won't leave me alone i got revenge on him i photoshoped a picture of him and a horse i took of Drew's head and pasted it on the picture of the horses butt and i put tons of flyers saying "lost pet please return" and that ticked him off considering he told mom on me so today after about 23 people came to our house with animals that looked like horse butts mom grounded me from the pc AGAIN but atleast i have some stuff to look for so while im trying to think of a way to get out of this one im gonna stop writing cause my hand is starting to hurt so anyway cya.

Episode 3

Dear Diary-

April,30th,08

Ok so im back with a new NOTEBOOK entrie.Today was'nt really all that special but mom said i had to write in this thing so im writing. So today we just started a new wrestling unit in gym, so Mr.Snypes still being mad at me about the wikipedia thing kept putting me up against kids who were'nt in my weight class. But to my and his suprise the fact that i was able to run around the mat we were on at the speed of light tired out most of my opponents, the thing about this is i've done no fighting during this whole wrestling thing i've just been running away from my opponent like a sissy and then the coach said not interacting in the fight is a penalty. i've sort of had enough of the coach punishing me so i brought a cheese cake to school to make peace, the coach loves cheese cake so he softened up on me and forgot the whole thing in an instant, but the funny thing is the thing i wrote about him on wikipedia was "My coach Mr.Snypes has caused 78% of the worlds cheese population to decrease and he blew have the earth's hemisphere off wih his bad gas". So it was sorta proving my point when he forgot the whole thing over tearing up that cheese cake. Well anyway theres this nerdy kid named Benton Greese and he is a complete wimp plus hes a straight A nerd i could'nt wait to fight him on the wrestling mat unfortunately his Uncle was a Pro mat wrestler so Benton smashed me on that mat, he kept pinning me with these things called "reversals,"half nelsons" and this one annoying move called a "Take Down". After i got my butt handed to me by Benton i then knew that was the sign for me to work out, luckily we had tons of work out equipment in my house's basement my Dad used to use them for some reason. So the first minute i got home i was working out i did about 3 push-ups with this thing called the "Perfect Push-up" thingy. So anyway i did 2 push ups 2 bench presses and 2 crouches. So after that i felt brand new like i ran a mile but that was until i saw my neighbor's lil 3 year old brother do 20 push ups in less than a minute so practically i just stood there and stared looking like an idiot with my jaw dropped down.

May,1st,08

The first day of May is here and the best part about it is im pumped with iron. I did up to 23 push ups with the push up tool thingy and i was filled with power. The first thing i did was challenge mom in a arm wrestling match but she said she was to busy washing dishes. So i asked Drew i was sorta scared asking him cause he is a maniac when it comes to a match of anything. So i was in the match with Drew and the next thing you know he flippd my arm down without any strain. So after that i said forget it and left his room, i was sorta mad cause i could'nt find anyone to test my newly developed brawn on then i remembered Dave which is my neighbor's lil 3 year old brother was acting all cocky doing those push-ups without any equipment. So what i did was call him over to my front lawn when he got outside to play with his friend. I then said lets have a wrestling match first one to get pinned loses. He was very excited about it which made me want to take him down even more. so we were wrestling right then when we started in then the first second i got my hands on him i threw him to the ground and i pinned him. Then he starts crying that i pinned him to hard and runs back in the house and i did'nt care if that 3 year old could do those push ups he can take a slam. So as i walk back into my house his big brother Paul comes out and calls me a douche and im like what? then the next thing i know he charges straight at me slams me on the ground punches me in the eye then he sits on my face and FARTS, then he walks away with his stupid brother. I get up and im like Oh MY GAWD he did not just fart on my face that was the nastiest thing to ever happen to me plus some of it got in my mouth. Now to tell you the truth i would've told my mom what he did but then she'd find out that i slammed a 3 year old on the ground so i said forget it and walked back in my house with my face smelling like fart and somewhat of a black eye, BUT even though i got my butt kicked i still proved that i was strong enough to take on Benton and Dave should'nt be cocky doing those push-ups anymore.

May,2,08

Today when we went to school the friggin wrestling unit was OVER. To me that cold've been the worst thing that could ever happen. I mean i did the workouts got farted on only for this stupid wrestling unit to be over in like 1 friggin day. I was soooo angry i wanted to just smash somebody, and the worst part of it was i never got the chance to get my revenge on Benton and i knew if i just beat the mess out of him for no reason i'll get in trouble. Still even though the wrestling unit was over i was kinda relieved because i did'nt have to get my butt smashed by Benton anymore so this was a kind of up and down situation. So anyway after that i was kinda happy and blissful now because it was gyro sub day in the lunch room so i got 1 down and 2 ups. After school i went home and i was REAL suprised to find out that my bro Drew broke into my room and got on my computer and he wenton Wikipedia and edited stuff like i did. What my brother did was completely insane and stupid thanks to him our family will never be the same again if this gets out. On Wikipedia he edited "My family is harboring Hitler weapons and spears and technology of MASS DESTRUCTION". Now there are 2 things wrong with this 1 MY FAMILY IS JEWISH SO THATS PRETTY MUCH NOT FUNNY. NOW 2 MY BROTHER PUT OUR PC I.P ADDRESS SO IF ANYONE SEES THAT WE'RE GONNA PROBALLY GET SENT TO FRIGGIN JAIL. i DID'NT TELL MY MOM BECAUSE SHES VERY ANTI-RACIST AND SHE WOULD FLIP ON MY BRO AND ME IN A RAGE OF COMPLETE FURY. So really this is something thats gonna return in another journal entrie but i hope if i do bring it back up again i hope it does'nt include me saying how mom or the police found out, so basically you see why my life is so hard its practically because theres so many stupid idiots like my bro in my life so im gonna stop writing s i can figure out a plan to stop this from unfolding so cya.

Episode 4

May,4,08

Ok this is completely horrible my mom just signed me up for the stupid swim unit at our school i was so mad when she told me. For one shes making me write in a stupid diary i mean NOTEBOOK, makes me sustain my order under the crazy lifestyle i live in AND TAKE STUPID SWIMMING LESSONS I MEAN C'MON. She said if i learned how to swim i would have a sense of activity. When she said that, that reminded me of when she wanted me to try out for Baseball in the 3rd grade and she said it would give me a sense of activity and i did'nt except it and then she said someday im gonna have a extra curricular activity if she has to force it, and now all of a sudden i wished i would've played Baseball hitting a ball with a stick is much easier than doing those so-called "Breast Strokes". When i went to school the next day i was left a paper on my desk that said meet in the pool area at school afer lunch. I went to the pool area and it turned out we were practicing for our swimming unit before we even got settled in with it. Anyway while the coach was calling attendance i checked and looked around to see what other stiffs i would be stuck with in this stupid swimming unit. I was somewhat amazed by some of the people who were in there i saw all the kids who usually make fun of people for being on the swim team like Arnold Fisher, i was laughing on the inside cause they got forced by their mom's and or Dad's to join the unit also so it was kinda funny karma-funny you could say. Then guess what, i turn and see Rodney right down the line 7 people away and he leans over and waves to me. when we got a chance to break up in partners for swimming i picked Rodney so i could ask what he did for his parents to put him on the team, and guess what that idiot said "i chose to be on the team it gives you a sense of activity", it felt like no matter where i went my mom possesed the body of whoever i came in contact with so i put my head in my hands and just walked away from Rodney in shame of his pitiful self.

May,5,08

Okay so after school was over all my fears of the whole swimming thing were over cause the minute i got home i played Halo XD Live. Its like a new Halo game that you play with people on the internet and connecting it to your Xbox then theres no laggin and some junk like that. Anyway Rodney had gotten on also we communicated through the headphones we had connected to the modem. Rodney and i were stomping everyone who came our way but guess what this chick had signed in under the username of "SassyKiller457" and she aced me and Rodney, we felt soo ashamed cause she killed both of us with one grenade launcher. Rodney and I were in 1st then we were lowered to 8th in fact all 24 people who were playing except "SassyKiller" were all tied in 8th place with "Sassykiller" up in 1st place me and Rodney could'nt believe this so what we did was try to find out who "SassyKiller457" was in real life and butter her up abit for beating and shaming us. Fortunately for us her I.P address appeared near her icon and we found out which computer she owned and we print out a full scale map of where the I.P address led. Ok and now your probally like are these guys serious well we are what we're doing may seem un-necissary but thats the price you have to pay, girls are not allowed to be that good at video games she probally has top secret super video game equipment that could be illegal in our country we could be heros for all you know. So anyway i told my mom i'm going over Rodney's house which i was but to find the "SassyChick" so after i got to Rodney's house we discuss the plan and when we were done we followed the map to a green house at the edge of the street and then me and Rodney started throwing rocks at the house and we broke a couple of windows, and like i said before this is not going over the top this is necissary to teach that girl she's not as raw as boys are in games especially Halo so after that me and Rodney made a run for it and apparantly no one was home so we got away scotch free and when the girl and her family arrived home you already know they were shocked and me and Rodney just laughed in secrecy.

May,7,08

Today we had our stupid swimming section back at school for those who signed up or those who were FORCED to. The moment i walked in Rodney gave me a smiling devil look and i gave him one back because in our heads we were thinking the same thing. So just telling you we were smiling about the rock throwing and how we got revenged and pulled it off slick as ice. So anyway you might be thinking we're gonna eventually get busted for it but i highley doubt it we pulled it off to clean even though it was broad daylight and people like the mailman and police officers were outside did'nt mean anything and we still pulled it off slickly. Still i've been thinking about the whole thing all day and i was'nt even able to think about swimming i knew there was no way we would get caught but i was changing i smashed someone's windows in with rocks and i did'nt care, because usually i'd care for a second then feel remorseless again. I'm sorta glad to know im growing up and im making mature decisions, i really don't know about Rodney because he was'nt able to come up with my mature plan to get revenge so he was still growing up but i was mature. Unfortunately the whole time i was at swimming practice i kept talking to myself in my mind about the windows and the rocks and then it hit me my mom said when you do something that does'nt feel right or leaves you baffled you'll start to feel this thing called guilt, i was beginning to get afraid because i thought i was developing this thing called guilt luckily i passed gas and then the feeling went away, but let me just say if what happened to me was guilt, then guilt stinks but anyway i'm gonna stop writing do to the fact i think i have more guilt building up in my system so cya for now.

Episode 5

May,21,08

Well hey i'm back with another journal entrie i haven't wrote in a while and guess why, its very simple you should know why lemme give you a hit, its gonna be like a puzzle ok here it is, its my broth_ _ _ fault. Also if you did'nt get what that is lemme calmly tell it to you IT WAS MY BROTHERS FAULT. OK so get this right with the whole throwing rocks at that one girls house with Rodney, and like i said it would end up coming up again but anyway. The whole time while it was happening Drew (my brother) happened to see the whpole thing unfold and it was 4 days after the whole thing that he gave a hint that he knew me and Rodney did it. It was at dinner time right me,mom, and him were eating mac&cheese with broccoli (which i LOVE), anyway Drew kept kicking my leg under the table with his foot and i kicked him back and we went back and forth doing it over and over until mom got kicked in the ankle,and when that happened the room fell silent. Mom is one of those uptight people who can't take pleasure in any humor so she just sat there blankly and me and Drew were wondering what she was gonna do, and then i wasn't gonna take any chances so i jumped right out my chair away from mom just in case she was gonna swing a fist my way. Still she said Greg stop acting so foolish and get back in my chair and eat, and if you konw my mom like i do that means im to tired to beat you up so just be good until i get my energy back. Anyway i called Drew a retard for kicking me and he started chuckling and i said "what the craps soo funny?", and he replied by saying "Sexy Sassy" did'nt desreve that, and then i dropped my spoon and almost pissed in my pants.

May,21,08 (12:57)

Ok you might wanna know why im doing a journal entrie on the same day well im just saying just in case i get caught and my mom kills me, atleast you'll know why im dead floating in the lake. Well anyway i'm technically not in trouble, well not yet anyway. Well ya see when Drew said that at the dinner table mom was intrigued by the split second of silence, so i then thought as fast as i could and said "DREW HEY DREW WANNA GO PLAY WORLD OF WARCRAFT ON THE PC" and Drew said "But you said you hated playing it with me", "Well well uhhh..... JUST COME TO THE KICTHEN WITH ME". Them mom yelled whats going on?, i then said oh its nothing its just a short little game me and Drew like to play its called act wierd and suspicious, and then Drew said "Actually its called Greg was throwi....." and the minute Drew hit that line i elbowed him in the chest and wispered "Shut up and lets talk in the kitchen i'll do anything just shut up" but now i'm REALLY starting to regret ever saying that. In te kicthen we closed the door behind us and Drew told me how he saw us, and blah blah blah then we were able to work out a little deal, if i do anything he tells me to do he'll keep the secret to mom and i could live with that until i actually did all the stuff but i'm really praying that mom does'nt know yet, because im sorta a master of deception and little that Drew knows the more time he gives me without telling the more time i can come up with a way to get out of this situation.

May,26,08

Ok this has been a total breakthrough for me and im loving it, well Drew has been making me do ridiculious things such as cleaning his underwear, to scrubbing his shoes with my tooth brush (which was REALLY un-needed). Anyway with all this stuff hes been maiing me do when Drew was making me clean his room the other day i sooo found something to black mail him with. Now lemme just say this, your gonna let your little brother who your blackmailing clean your room knowing he'll search through it especially when you have playboy magazines and condoms all over the floor just clean it up, HES SOOOOO STUPID and thanks to his foolish stupidity that gave me the edge i needed. Well i was doing more snooping than cleaning i went through all his drawers,cabinets everything and then i saw what i needed. Under a HUGE pile of cloths and junk/crap i saw this yellow slip that said "Dear parent/Guardian of Drew Pastley your son Drew Pastley is failing all of his/her classes do to the low statistics of your childs academic process they must take Mentally Challenged aka MH classes when they graduate to their next upcomig grade. Now this was just what i needed because mom said if Drew brings home another paper saying he needs to improve in scholl she'd strangle him, so i sorta think this was a straight up message from god and i seriously took the sign, so i just stopped mid section in cleaning Drew's room and left with the paper and walked out laughing. I passed Drew in the hallway and he said "Why aren't you cleaning my room? do you want mom to know what you did?" and i said "Oh yeah well doy uo want mom to know this" and i held up the paper and Drew literally passed put on the floor in shock unfortunately on my foot so now my foot hurts like crap that dumbass.

Episode 6

May,28,08

Ok now this is gonna be HILARIOUS, since i have that paper blackmailing Drew its like hes totally forgot he has blackmail on me but im not gonna bother reminding him. Anyway making Drew suffer the same way he made me suffer he has to write 3 paragraphs of text that i told him to write ok now this is gonna be hilarious, by the way what hes gonna right will probally take up the whole episode so uhh... eah you might wanna skip this one, anyway the text below is what hes writing.

"I'm not a idiot im a dumbass" "I'm not a idiot im a dumbass"